以 下 是 天 才 伍 迪 艾 伦 的 25 句 中 英 搞 笑 名 言 .. 希 望 大 家 喜欢!..
woody allen quotes
1. harvard makes mistakes too, you know. kissinger taught there.
2. he was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an armenian.
3. as the poet said, ‘only god can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
4. i am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
5. i am not afraid of death, i just don’t want to be there when it happens.
6. i believe there is something out there watching us. unfortunately, it’s the government.
7. i don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what i really want to do is french-kiss her.
8. i don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. i want to achieve it through not dying.
9. i have bad reflexes. i was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
10. i took a speed-reading course and read war and peace in twenty minutes. it involves russia
11. i was nauseous and tingly all over. i was either in love or i had smallpox.
12. i’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
13. i’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around chinatown.
14. i’m such a good lover because i practice a lot on my own.
15. i’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
16. if my films make one more person miserable, i’ll feel i have done my job.
17. in beverly hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. they make it into television shows.
18. life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.
19. most of the time i don’t have much fun. the rest of the time i don’t have any fun at all.
20. my one regret in life is that i am not someone else.
21. some guy hit my fender, and i told him, ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ but not in those words.
22. there are worse things in life than death. have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
23. what if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? in that case, i definitely overpaid for my carpet.
24. when i was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. they rented out my room.
25. you can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
1、哈佛也会犯错，因为基辛格在那儿教过书。
2、他太绝望了，为了自杀他居然要在一个美国人身边呼吸。
3、就像诗人说的：“唯上帝之万能，得以创造树木”，可能是因为实在很难想出来怎么给树穿上树皮。
4、我感谢大笑，除了牛奶从我鼻子里喷出来的时候。
5、我不怕死，只是我不想在它发生的时候呆在那儿。
6、我相信在某个不为人知的地方，有个东西盯着我们。不幸的是，是政府。
7、我不必在想舌吻老婆的时候，来个 “自由之吻”（似乎是：反对法国因此把所有french 改成freedom）
8、我不想因工作而不朽。我想通过不死来达到这个目的。
9、我反应很差。有一次，两个家伙推着的一辆汽车把我撞倒了。
10、我上过速读的课程，在20 分钟之内读完了《战争与和平》。中间可扯着俄国呢。
11、我感到特别恶心、全身刺痛。要不是恋爱了，就是得了天花。
12、我可以骂他是虐待狂或者变态恋尸狂，但那只是对牛弹琴。
13、我对那些想“了解”宇宙，但却连在中国城也会迷路的人感到非常诧异。
14、我是个非常好的情人，因为我总在自己身上练习。
15、我对我的那块金怀表引以为傲。我的祖父，在他临死的时候，把这块表卖给了我。
16、如果我的电影能让受苦的人又多了一个，我觉得就达到目的了。
17、在比弗利山，他们不扔垃圾。他们把它拍成了电视节目。
18、生活充满了痛苦、孤独和折磨 ——而且总是那么快就结束了。
19、大多数时候我不怎么高兴。其他时候我根本不高兴。
20、我一生唯一的遗憾是，我不是别的什么人。
21、有个家伙撞上了我的挡泥板，我跟他说：“开枝散叶、多子多孙”，不过没用这几个字而已。（圣经里面的话，本来好像是愿大地硕果累累、生机勃勃，要不就是用在婚礼祝福上。这里面应该是be fruitful and multiply 就应该是骂人家……那什么了）
22、人生里有比死亡更糟的事情。你曾经和一个保险推销员待过一整夜么？
23、如果所有东西都是幻觉、全都不存在，怎么办？在这种情况下，绝对是我地毯买贵了。
24、当我被绑架的时候，我父母立刻采取了行动。他们把我的房间出租了。
25、你能长命百岁，如果你放弃了所有让你希望长命百岁的东西。
